idk

So my mom likes to dictate her texts instead of typing them.

wingolight:
skelliesontoast:
The thing is, my mom swears a lot, and she’s often at home with my impressionable little brothers. So she programmed her phone to type “bitch” whenever she said “B” and “f**k” whenever she said “F.” For a while, we all thought this was a pretty clever idea.
Yesterday, she sent me a picture of my brother sitting in his car seat and crying. The caption was, “he got stung by a bumblebitch!!! ”
no you DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS IS GOLD
Oh my god

(via shutupsig)

carolxne:

every time i shower he just stands there and screams

(via fuckyeahloldemort)

thoughts of a goldfish

goldfish: nice rock
goldfish: nice rock
goldfish: nice rock
goldfish: nice rock
goldfish: The country’s economy and labor market remain in deep disrepair. Whereas our various post-market institutions (e.g., the safety net, educational institutions, health institutions) have a mixed record of coping with the rising poverty and inequality that has been handed to them by a still-struggling economy and labor market.
goldfish: nice rock

(via officialukulele)

bombing:

mom? yeah hey its me. i just called to—what? yeah i’m doing fine thanks. listen i was playing call of duty and this kid said some really shocking things about you and i just had to confirm that they weren’t true

(via these)

(via g-iggle)

adambloghart:

artaeologist:
there are five frogs staring at me right now
but only one can be america’s next top model

(via notenuf)

unfollowfriday:

if you ever feel weak or powerless, just remember that I, am not. And I am out there, very dangerous and I am looking for you. Good luck

(via bobshit)

(via riverocks)

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littletootsierollaliengirl:

animemangadaisuki:
Water Cake
A Japanese bakery, Kinseiken Seika, is cooking up a storm and it’s getting all over the world wide web.
The dessert they are cooking up is the mizu shingen mochi and it is a rice cake that is made out of… you guessed it water from the Japanese Alps.
A Tweet from a customer said that the dessert “has a pleasant natural sweetness… (and) goes incredibly smoothly down your throat.”
SOURCE
These are like the little water drops in Bugs Life

(via flyingturkey)

spaceclrop:

How I want ALL my dates to end. ALL of them.

(via ruinedchildhood)

penguinlass:

awwww-cute:
He jumped in and meowed until i closed the door, maybe he thinks he is going in to space
Ground control to major Tom

(via nmohler)

Fan: *asks question about family*
Misha: *answers it*
Misha: You know, I actually haven't seen my kids in weeks, so that was another really depressing question.
Crowd: Awww.
Misha: I've actually been filming videos and sending them to the kids...
Misha: *pulls phone out of his pocket*
Misha: So if you guys wouldn't mind being quiet for a moment, and then being really loud.
Misha: *starts recording the video* Hey guys! I hope you're being good and following the most important rule..... No having fun. I miss you guys, and I'm actually with some people that want to say hi...
Misha: *turns phone so that it's recording the audience*
Crowd: *everyone simultaneously says hello*
Misha: *turns phone back towards him* These are the people that I work with. And yea, I just wanted to say I love you and I miss you and I'll be home soon. *finishes recording*
Misha: Sorry about that. I just had to make sure they were following the "No having fun rule." It's funny, because when I call home and talk to West, I'll be like "What did you do today?" And he'll be like... *whispers* "I went to the park." And I'll be like *acts angry* "You did what?!" And he'll go *whispers* "...Went to the park." And I'll be like, *acting angry again* "And what did you do at the park?" And he'll go *whispers* ".........I had fun."
Crowd: *starts laughing*
Misha: Its West's favorite game.

(via brianwilson-deactivated20161027)